QUESTION:
How soon should you date before that first kiss? I've been dating this guy going on 4 weeks now. He kissed me on my forehead a week ago. I thought that was special because it means he adores me. I want to take this friendship slow by waiting at least 3 months to become sexually involved.
ANSWER:
If you’re a woman, you should only have your first kiss when you feel like you want to. However, let the guy initiate. If he tries to kiss you on the first date and you prefer to be more demure, turn your cheek but be sure to let him know you had a good time. I think people move too fast to the physical part of a relationship and it’s almost expected that there be a passionate kiss on the first date. How about some anticipation? Don’t follow the crowd and do it just because it’s expected.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Back with my "ex"
QUESTION:
I am in a relationship with my ex again. In the beginning of it all he says how much he loves me, takes me to his family and does little things that make me happy like holding my hand when walking and meeting with me. What confuses me is that he doesn’t call me or text me. I do the calling because I love him. He has never surprised me with a gift but he'll never accept to totally break up with me. Can I hang on? Does he love me?
ANSWER:
The question is not "Can I hang on" but "Should I hang on"? Remember, actions speak louder than words. You will be a lot happier in life and in relationships if you give more importance to what people do and not what they say. Talk is cheap.
Does he love you? I doubt it. He doesn’t call or text, so how much can he really care? However, having said that, you are partly to blame in this situation. You say you do the calling. Author Pat Allen says: He who speaks first is male. This means, you are not letting him be the man when you are the one to initiate contact. Men are programmed to hunt and pursue. When you take that away from him, there is nothing to hunt. He’s probably confused because part of him wants to be with you and the other part doesn’t understand why he’s just not feeling it like he used to. This is why he won’t accept to totally break up with you.
You have the power here. Either stop calling him and give him a chance to pursue or end the relationship for good and move on.
I am in a relationship with my ex again. In the beginning of it all he says how much he loves me, takes me to his family and does little things that make me happy like holding my hand when walking and meeting with me. What confuses me is that he doesn’t call me or text me. I do the calling because I love him. He has never surprised me with a gift but he'll never accept to totally break up with me. Can I hang on? Does he love me?
ANSWER:
The question is not "Can I hang on" but "Should I hang on"? Remember, actions speak louder than words. You will be a lot happier in life and in relationships if you give more importance to what people do and not what they say. Talk is cheap.
Does he love you? I doubt it. He doesn’t call or text, so how much can he really care? However, having said that, you are partly to blame in this situation. You say you do the calling. Author Pat Allen says: He who speaks first is male. This means, you are not letting him be the man when you are the one to initiate contact. Men are programmed to hunt and pursue. When you take that away from him, there is nothing to hunt. He’s probably confused because part of him wants to be with you and the other part doesn’t understand why he’s just not feeling it like he used to. This is why he won’t accept to totally break up with you.
You have the power here. Either stop calling him and give him a chance to pursue or end the relationship for good and move on.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Should I Lend A Man Money?
QUESTION:
I'm in a situation where I need to know if I should I stay in this relationship. I'm 40 years old and have been dating a man for about 9 months. 5 weeks ago he asked me to take out a loan for 1 thousand dollars. I could not believe it. I told him no. He blew up my phone because I did not do what he asked. He knows that I have good credit and extra money. He filed for chapter 13 last year. He cursed me out for not following his plan when it came to my money. I said your plan? This is my money to do whatever. Should I keep this kind of guy around?
ANSWER:
Your letter is a bit scary (okay, it’s very scary) because you have been alive for 4 decades and still need to ask whether it’s okay to keep this “kind of guy around." Sure, as a booty call. I want everyone reading this to listen up: Never, ever lend more than a few hundred dollars at a time to someone that you're dating. I’m willing to allow this small amount of money because I understand things happen, however, don’t let the amount build up. If they get an attitude about it, that’s a big, red flag.
He is obviously fiscally irresponsible, so how could you trust him to ever pay you back? And then he curses you out because you’re not his puppy dog doing whatever he wants? Someone using profanity towards you is always a red flag, but in this situation, I think it’s a black flag!
I suggest you cut off all communication with this guy immediately and permanently. Nothing good can come out of having him in your life.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes with dating and relationships, but I never made the mistake of lending a guy too much money (and 1 thousand is too much, unless you’re a millionaire). My fear of not having enough money has always been greater than my fear of not having a guy. May I suggest you adopt my attitude and you will never be ripped off.
I'm in a situation where I need to know if I should I stay in this relationship. I'm 40 years old and have been dating a man for about 9 months. 5 weeks ago he asked me to take out a loan for 1 thousand dollars. I could not believe it. I told him no. He blew up my phone because I did not do what he asked. He knows that I have good credit and extra money. He filed for chapter 13 last year. He cursed me out for not following his plan when it came to my money. I said your plan? This is my money to do whatever. Should I keep this kind of guy around?
ANSWER:
Your letter is a bit scary (okay, it’s very scary) because you have been alive for 4 decades and still need to ask whether it’s okay to keep this “kind of guy around." Sure, as a booty call. I want everyone reading this to listen up: Never, ever lend more than a few hundred dollars at a time to someone that you're dating. I’m willing to allow this small amount of money because I understand things happen, however, don’t let the amount build up. If they get an attitude about it, that’s a big, red flag.
He is obviously fiscally irresponsible, so how could you trust him to ever pay you back? And then he curses you out because you’re not his puppy dog doing whatever he wants? Someone using profanity towards you is always a red flag, but in this situation, I think it’s a black flag!
I suggest you cut off all communication with this guy immediately and permanently. Nothing good can come out of having him in your life.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes with dating and relationships, but I never made the mistake of lending a guy too much money (and 1 thousand is too much, unless you’re a millionaire). My fear of not having enough money has always been greater than my fear of not having a guy. May I suggest you adopt my attitude and you will never be ripped off.
Monday, May 28, 2007
I'm 33, she's 19. Can it work?
QUESTION:
I am 33, dating a girl of 19. We get along well and share the same dreams/goals. I buy her clothes, take her on trips, cook for her and do her laundry. It got to a point we were feeling like a married couple. I liked that. She too it seemed. Now she wants to break it off and be with other men. I don't want that. What should I do to save this?
ANSWER:
Forget her! Come over and cook/do laundry for me. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Okay, in all seriousness, she’s too young for you and you know it. Of course she wants to see other men. It’s called “sowing your wild oats”. Most people have to go through it and this is the age when she should be doing it. She’s probably only been dating for a few years, so she wants to explore the world and see what else is available. In the process she will grow and become an adult.
Attempting to hold onto her would be futile. She would eventually start to resent you. Remember, if you love someone, set them free. It’s not just a song but a universal truth. If you give her the space she needs, she may eventually decide you’re the one she wants to be with. If you try to hold on, she will definitely decide you’re not the one she wants to be with.
I am 33, dating a girl of 19. We get along well and share the same dreams/goals. I buy her clothes, take her on trips, cook for her and do her laundry. It got to a point we were feeling like a married couple. I liked that. She too it seemed. Now she wants to break it off and be with other men. I don't want that. What should I do to save this?
ANSWER:
Forget her! Come over and cook/do laundry for me. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Okay, in all seriousness, she’s too young for you and you know it. Of course she wants to see other men. It’s called “sowing your wild oats”. Most people have to go through it and this is the age when she should be doing it. She’s probably only been dating for a few years, so she wants to explore the world and see what else is available. In the process she will grow and become an adult.
Attempting to hold onto her would be futile. She would eventually start to resent you. Remember, if you love someone, set them free. It’s not just a song but a universal truth. If you give her the space she needs, she may eventually decide you’re the one she wants to be with. If you try to hold on, she will definitely decide you’re not the one she wants to be with.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Why Don't Guys Like To Shop?
QUESTION:
What is your take on men who refuse to go into stores that are targeted for women (i.e. Victoria's Secret, Wet Seal)? Is it because they’re macho?
ANSWER:
What would I call a man that didn’t want to go with his girlfriend to women’s clothing stores? I’d call him: a man! This has nothing to do with being macho. There are two types of men: the ones that love to go shopping with their girl and see her try on different outfits and the ones that prefer to see the outfits after she has bought them. Don’t judge him for it and don’t try to force him to join you. How would you feel if he wanted you go to Home Depot or Pep Boys with him? Exactly!
Men are goal oriented and the thought of just wandering around a mall looking, trying things on and possibly not even buying anything doesn’t make sense to them. Instead, for women, it’s therapeutic. We LOVE to shop! Take a girlfriend or go alone.
What is your take on men who refuse to go into stores that are targeted for women (i.e. Victoria's Secret, Wet Seal)? Is it because they’re macho?
ANSWER:
What would I call a man that didn’t want to go with his girlfriend to women’s clothing stores? I’d call him: a man! This has nothing to do with being macho. There are two types of men: the ones that love to go shopping with their girl and see her try on different outfits and the ones that prefer to see the outfits after she has bought them. Don’t judge him for it and don’t try to force him to join you. How would you feel if he wanted you go to Home Depot or Pep Boys with him? Exactly!
Men are goal oriented and the thought of just wandering around a mall looking, trying things on and possibly not even buying anything doesn’t make sense to them. Instead, for women, it’s therapeutic. We LOVE to shop! Take a girlfriend or go alone.
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