Is She Interested In Me?

QUESTION

You know the woman likes you, but right before you give her your digits, she says: "I'm really not looking for anyone. We'll have a beer or two once in a while but that's it." Why else would she ask for my number? I don't like to be that someone to have on the side, just in case.

ANSWER:

Well, I hate to tell you, but that’s exactly what she wants. If a woman is interested in a guy as more than a friend, she would rarely, if ever say, “I’m really not looking for anyone.” Now it’s up to you whether you want to go out a few times and see if you can change her original opinion of you (as just a potential friend) or pass on it altogether.

How Can I Be More Alluring?

QUESTION:

I need to be more alluring...more mysterious. I'm very friendly and funny, but it hasn't gotten me anywhere. I'd like to keep that part of my personality, but I want guys to think I'm a bit mysterious too. What are some things I could do to appear that way?

ANSWER:

I think this is something that needs to be addressed. Girls today are letting it “all hang out” – in more ways than one. In general, European girls are able to be more alluring than American girls, so I have to believe it's a cultural thing. I’ve noticed this difference mainly during interviews on The Tonight Show. American women talk about anything and everything and are all over the place with their gestures and conversation. Europeans, on the other hand, are usually more reserved and mysterious. I remember Jay Leno telling Sophia Loren that many women had walked onto that stage, but hers was the classiest entrance.

Being mysterious is about not saying everything that’s on your mind. Guys already think most women talk too much, so cutting back will immediately set you apart from the crowd. Don’t always let your whereabouts be known and don’t ask too many questions about things that are inconsequential. Don’t always return calls right away and don’t ask questions such as: Where were you? Why didn’t you call sooner? When can we get together again? Most women can’t do this, but those that do, will get the most positive attention.

I"m Attracted to a Female Player

QUESTION:

I am totally in love with this girl...and I know that I can't have her. Even if I did get her, it wouldn't be a very healthy relationship. Simply put, I could never trust her. She is kind of a "bad girl/player," which isn't even my type! Also, we don't seem to have too much in common, either...but I have never been so attracted to someone in my life.

Why do I want her so bad?? I can't figure this one out. There doesn't appear to be any chance for happiness, but I still can't help myself. In fact, I am actually "taking a break" from her & haven't talked to her in over 2-weeks. This doesn't seem to be working either.


ANSWER:


Your first sentence has the answer to all your questions. You know you can’t have her, and therefore, you want her. People that are emotionally immature want things they can’t have, simply because they’re hard to get. This is why everyone says they want a Ferrari. Well, I’ve been in several Ferraris, and I’ve gotta tell you, I don’t. They’re hard to get in and out of and all the other cars on the road are towering over you.

You’re not in love with her. Don’t be so frivolous with such an important word. Love is admiration and respect, and you can’t feel that for someone you don’t trust. The fact that you are so into her means that she is your type, otherwise, you wouldn’t be interested. Players are not my type therefore I’m not attracted to them, available or not.

You’re right, staying away isn’t going to help. It’s like telling yourself you have to lose weight and you must stay away from pizza, so guess what’s always on your mind? You know the oven is hot, but you still want to touch it, so I say, go ahead. Everyone needs to have their heart broken a few times before they wise up and learn it’s better to run, not walk, from this type of person.

How Do I Tell A Guy I Have Feelings For Him

QUESTION:

How do I tell a guy that I have feelings for him without making myself completely vulnerable?

ANSWER:

There is absolutely no way to tell someone you have feelings for them without being vulnerable in some way, unless of course you don’t care what their reaction is. I’m assuming you do, and you hope the feelings are reciprocal. You didn’t say if this is a boyfriend or someone you hope will become one. I’m going to assume he’s not your boyfriend and suggest you keep it light, very light. Say something like, “You’re a really nice guy. I have a lot of fun with you.” That’s it. Say it casually, without expecting anything in return. Say it in person so you can gage his reaction better and go from there.

I Hate My Girlfriend's Friends

QUESTION:

I really love my girlfriend, but I absolutely despise her friends. I just don't like them. What should I do?

ANSWER:

I find that hard to believe. You’ve heard the saying, “Birds of a feather flock together?” She must have something in common with them, something she sees in them that she identifies in herself. You’re either choosing not to see in your girlfriend the negatives you see in her friends, or you’re choosing not to see the positives in her friends that you see in your girlfriend. Does that make sense? So, your options are: open your eyes, break up with her or keep interactions with her friends to a minimum.

My Boyfriend Feels Smothered

QUESTION:

What does it mean when your boyfriend tells you that he feels smothered and like he can't breath around you sometimes?

ANSWER:

It means exactly that - he feels smothered. Are you a clinging vine? Do you let him have time to himself or do you need to know where he is every minute? Everyone needs time alone and/or with friends. No one likes to be constantly checked up on. How often do you call him? I bet it’s several times a day. Way too much. What are you insecure about? Do you think you need to check up on him to make sure he doesn’t meet someone else? The irony is that eventually, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy – he’ll be so sick of you that he will want to be with someone else. Back off!

My Boyfriend Changed His Mind About Me Moving In

QUESTION:

I was in a three year relationship and had plans to move in. From one moment to another my boyfriend’s feelings changed. He claims to be confused. He tells me he loves me but isn’t in love with me. He was the one to ask me to move in, he brought up children and marriage. I know he has been badly influenced by his friends, who are all single. I feel like I got the short end of the stick. Should I assume there was someone else or that he was afraid of commitment? Should I let things go or work to make him understand?

ANSWER:

When someone says “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” it means “I don’t want to have sex with you anymore.” People say this when they want to end a relationship, but don’t know what to say. It sounds innocent enough, because, after all, your ex is still saying he loves you. The statement makes it seem as if something suddenly came over him and he’s not in love any more. Puh-leese. His feelings did not change from one moment to the next. He’s been feeling this way for a while, but either managed to hide it or you chose to overlook the red flags.

Even if he was influenced by his friends, do you want a relationship with a man whose friends have a say in your life together? You may think you “got the short end of the stick” but frankly, if you’re a religious person, you should get on your knees and thank God for saving you from many years of misery. Who cares what the reason was? The bottom line is that he no longer wants to be with you and you cannot make him do anything. He understands what he needs to understand and that is, that he no longer wants to be with you. He’s not confused. Sorry to sound so harsh, but it’s better to face the truth now and move on with your life than to waste years and eventually look back in regret.

My Girlfriend Has Gained a Lot of Weight

QUESTION:

My girlfriend has gained a lot of weight since we started dating two years ago. It’s to the point now I’m not as attracted to her as I once was. I love her and have tried to drop hints but she gets very defensive. I started working out to be an example to her but I haven't seen any changes. I'd hate to lose her to it but I know I won't be happy if she doesn't try to change.

ANSWER:

This is a common problem, but most people don’t want to say anything for fear of appearing shallow. I have another perspective. Believe it or not, her weight gain isn’t the biggest problem in your relationship. The fact that she refuses to discuss it is the bigger issue. Being in an intimate relationship means that you should be able to talk about anything, and I do mean anything. Otherwise, what’s the point? It’s not supposed to be a place where you go to hide, which is what your girlfriend is doing.

There’s a reason she’s put on all that weight, and the fact that she won’t even talk about it is unfair to you. She’s basically saying, “Take it or leave it” by her actions. You say you’d hate to lose her because of it, but she doesn’t seem to care whether she loses you because of it. The discussion you need to have with her is the one about the fact that two people who have been dating for two years should be able to talk about anything and you’re bothered that she won’t do this. If you’ve decided that you’re willing to leave if she doesn’t make an attempt to change, let her know. This may be the motivation she needs to change her eating and exercise habits.

My Boyfriend Won't Kiss Me

QUESTION:

My boyfriend won't kiss me, and only wants sex about twice a month. How can I get him to want me more?

ANSWER:

You can’t get someone to do something they don’t want to do. They’re either inspired to do it or they’re not. Has it always been like this or has the situation changed recently? If this is how it’s always been, things aren’t likely to change. You need to decide if this is the type of relationship you want. If you don’t have a high sex drive, then twice a month shouldn’t be a problem.

If however, you need more sex, that’s a different story. If it’s been this way from the start, then your boyfriend probably doesn’t have a high sex drive. If this is a recent development, then you need to ask him what’s going on. The no kissing bothers me. It almost sounds like he’s treating you like a booty call. You need to have a talk and you may eventually need to walk.

Internet Dating

QUESTION:

I've been dating a man I met on the internet for 3 months. He has told me he is in love with me but his profile is still active. Does this mean he is a player?

ANSWER:

You don’t truly love someone after 3 months. You may have a deep affection for and feel happy around that person, but it’s not love with a capital L. I’d be wary of anyone that declared themselves so quickly. Someone that is that quick to rush in, will be just as quick to rush out. If he hasn’t taken down his profile, it means he wants to keep his options open, even though he’s “in love”. I say, “Buyer beware”.

When Should We Have "The Talk"?

QUESTION:

How much time after beginning to date someone should a girl wait to have 'the talk'? I've been dating someone for a month now but don't know where we stand...whether we're just having fun or if it's monogamous. I want to ask but I'm not sure if it's too soon right now.

ANSWER:

When you first start to date someone, you need to keep two things in mind:

Assume that person is seeing other people and don’t assume they want a committed relationship with YOU.

One month is definitely too soon to be having any kind of “we” talk. You barely know this person. How do you know you even want to be in a monogamous relationship with them? Your attitude when you first start to see someone should be, “Show me who you are, and I’ll decide where you fit into my life”. Don’t automatically assume they would be good boyfriend/girlfriend material. You’re not seeing the true person because they are on their best behavior. You’re actually meeting their “press agent”.

Let time be your guide. If they invite you to family functions, want to see you every weekend, and talk to you almost every day, you’re safe to assume you’re his/her main squeeze. Only then should you ask whether he considers you his friend or more.