How Long Is The "Rebound" Period?

QUESTION:

How long is the "rebound" period?? I mean, how long does it usually take before a person can see someone else again seriously?

ANSWER:

I once read that for every year one is in a relationship, it takes two months to get over it. However, it once took me four months to get over someone I’d only gone out with for two months, so I don’t think there’s a formula. It depends on how deep your feelings for the person were, at what point the break up occurred and who initiated the breakup. Often people leave a relationship mentally and emotionally before they leave physically. This is why sometimes people can jump into another situation right away and it works out. I’d say: Let your feelings be your guide. Don’t rush it. Your heart will tell you when it’s ready to open up again.

How Do You Get Over A Break-up?

QUESTION:

How do you get over a break up when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you? I don't sleep around and drink, so other options, please.

ANSWER:

I’m glad you don’t want to sleep around or drink. Most people associate the period after a breakup with destructive behavior. The fact that you’re heartbroken is already hurtful enough-why make things worse by abusing yourself?

I’ve always found that one of the best ways to get over someone is to focus on work and career. Take advantage of this alone time to concentrate on your professional goals. As things start happening for you, you’ll start to feel better and before you know it, your ex will not be the foremost thing on your mind.

Also, take this time to spend time with family and close friends. Get out, do things and try to have fun. Life must go on, and you’ll survive.

Why Don't Guys Make The First Move?

QUESTION:

What are some things that would make a guy not approach a girl when she has always shown an interest, is friendly and open to conversation with him? Does the saying still stand that if a guy really likes someone, he would do whatever to get the girl, even though he may be shy?

ANSWER:

Yes, if a guy is interested, he will do what he has to, to get the girl. The issue is that so many guys today have the attitude that they’re going to let the women chase them. This makes for lazy men and confused women (such as yourself). However, you can bet your bottom dollar (whatever that means) that if a guy is interested in a girl and she has shown interest but isn’t making a move to ask him out, that he will eventually step up to the plate. There could be several reasons for your male friend acting this way 1.) He’s already involved 2.) He’s waiting to see if you’ll make a move. 3.) He’s not interested. 4.) He's gay. I say: Wait. If he’s interested and available, he’ll eventually ask you out.

Do I Need Therapy?

QUESTION:

I am 24 years old and I have gone through three rough relationships - the last one being the worst. I dated a single mother who cheated on me with her baby's dad. After this happened, it was over. It has been two years and I have not gone out with any women since. I basically gave up. I often think that I need a therapy. I see someone but I just think negatively and don’t ask for number or a date. What can I do to get my confidence back?

ANSWER:

You’re too young to be so down on love. You had 3 relationships by the time you were 22. I say that’s 3 too many. Your late teens and early twenties should be about having fun and keeping it light. You want to find out who you are and what you like.

Scientists at the NIH campus at Bethesda, Md. recently found out that the part of the brain that weighs risks, makes judgments and controls impulsive behavior isn’t fully mature until age 25. This means you shouldn’t even be thinking about a serious relationship until your next birthday.

Since your last break up was so devastating that you haven’t dated in 2 years, I would say some therapy would help. You will eventually get your confidence back. Use the experience from your previous relationships to make better choices in the future.

Should I Ask Guys Out?

QUESTION:

Most of the time, the more I like a guy, the less I will call him to talk or chit chat, or to invite him out. I would prefer that guys take the initiative in this. Do guys find this a turn off? Would they take this to mean I wasn’t interested in them?

ANSWER:

Guys are hunters by nature. They actually enjoy the thrill of the chase and the challenge. This is why spectator sports are so popular – they get to channel that energy into their favorite team. Don’t take away their sense of anticipation by calling or asking them out. They won’t think you’re not interested. They’ll just see you as a challenge, and work that much harder. You really don’t need to do anything. Just sit back, relax, and see who shows up.

Should I Contact My Ex?

QUESTION:

Should I make any attempt to contact my ex to say that I forgive her. Our relationship ended badly with her going after someone else. I have all this resentment and it keeps me thinking about her. I have tried to stop dwelling over it but I feel it's the only option I have left. I feel I need to make peace.

ANSWER:

Have you heard the expression, “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself”. People think that forgiving someone means the other person has “won” and they’ve somehow “lost”. As with most things in today’s world, that is the total opposite of how it really is. You forgive someone so that you can have peace within yourself. By holding onto anger and resentment, you are still holding onto that person, even if they are no longer in your life.

You’re still carrying a cross that bears her name. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. If someone is angry with you, they still care on some level. That’s why people in dysfunctional relationships try to make each other angry-that way they know the other person still cares.

If you’ve truly forgiven her, take what positive lessons you’ve learned from being with her and move on with your life. There’s really no need to call her. She probably couldn’t care less whether you forgive her or not. Let it go.