My Girlfriend Has Gained a Lot of Weight

QUESTION:

My girlfriend has gained a lot of weight since we started dating two years ago. It’s to the point now I’m not as attracted to her as I once was. I love her and have tried to drop hints but she gets very defensive. I started working out to be an example to her but I haven't seen any changes. I'd hate to lose her to it but I know I won't be happy if she doesn't try to change.

ANSWER:

This is a common problem, but most people don’t want to say anything for fear of appearing shallow. I have another perspective. Believe it or not, her weight gain isn’t the biggest problem in your relationship. The fact that she refuses to discuss it is the bigger issue. Being in an intimate relationship means that you should be able to talk about anything, and I do mean anything. Otherwise, what’s the point? It’s not supposed to be a place where you go to hide, which is what your girlfriend is doing.

There’s a reason she’s put on all that weight, and the fact that she won’t even talk about it is unfair to you. She’s basically saying, “Take it or leave it” by her actions. You say you’d hate to lose her because of it, but she doesn’t seem to care whether she loses you because of it. The discussion you need to have with her is the one about the fact that two people who have been dating for two years should be able to talk about anything and you’re bothered that she won’t do this. If you’ve decided that you’re willing to leave if she doesn’t make an attempt to change, let her know. This may be the motivation she needs to change her eating and exercise habits.